The Wired for Well-Being Podcast

Your Racing Thoughts Won't Stop—Here's the Reason

Get a free gift from Dr. Rutstein, visit drjeffreyrutstein.com/linksWant to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156
In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore why your mind gets trapped in repeating loops, replaying the same conversations and arguments over and over, and what you can actually do about it without fighting your own thoughts. If you struggle with rumination, racing thoughts, obsessive thinking, replaying past conversations, rehearsing arguments with people who aren't even there, or wake up with your mind immediately spinning—especially when regulation feels possible during the day but impossible at night—this conversation reveals what your racing thoughts are really telling you about your nervous system.
Through exploring a listener's question about getting stuck in unhelpful thought patterns and imaginary conversations, Jeffrey explains why this isn't about being broken or lacking mental discipline. It's about nervous system dysregulation, how your brain attempts to solve unsolvable problems, and why the default mode network keeps pulling you into self-critical, negative thinking when your attention isn't otherwise engaged.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

Building Your Capacity for Love

Get a free gift from Dr. Rutstein, visit www.drjeffreyrutstein.com/links Want to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore why intimacy feels natural for some people but terrifying for others, how your nervous system creates a set point for closeness and distance, and what you can do to gently expand your capacity for love and connection. Whether you're celebrating Valentine's Day or dreading it, if you struggle with letting people get close, fear of intimacy, emotional vulnerability, avoidant attachment patterns, relationship anxiety, or feel confused why healthy relationships still feel unsafe despite wanting love, this conversation reveals how your nervous system shapes your ability to connect deeply with others.Through exploring common intimacy struggles—feeling terrified when someone gets close, being able to connect but not sustain intimacy, pushing away partners who love you, or cycling between craving and avoiding closeness—Jeffrey explains why this isn't about commitment issues or being broken. It's about nervous system set points, learned safety patterns, and how early experiences and attachment trauma taught your body that closeness means danger.As Jeffrey explains, everyone has a set point for how close they can comfortably get to another person. Some people build bridges easily. Others are shy, hesitant to reach toward someone else. This isn't a character flaw—it's learned nervous system programming that can change through somatic healing and body-based approaches rather than willpower alone.Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/linksThe content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

The Real Reason You Stay Stuck

Get a free gift from Dr. Rutstein, visit www.drjeffreyrutstein.com/links Want to leave a question? Call 866-357-5156
In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore why insight alone doesn't create change, why knowing what to do isn't enough. If you struggle with self-sabotage, can't stick to goals, know what you should do but can't follow through, or feel frustrated repeating the same patterns despite understanding them intellectually, this conversation reveals why change requires more than insight.
Through exploring failed resolutions, abandoned plans, and the gap between intention and action, Jeffrey explains why this isn't about laziness or lack of discipline. It's about nervous system regulation, unconscious safety mechanisms, and how your body's survival responses block the changes your mind wants to make.
As Jeffrey explains, you're not broken—this is normal nervous system functioning. When we learn to regulate first and work with the body's signals, we can finally bridge the gap between knowing and doing.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

Why Your Inner Critic Won't Let You Shine

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore the inner critic, negative self-talk, self-doubt, shame, perfectionism, and why that harsh internal voice keeps you stuck. If you struggle with imposter syndrome, self-criticism, feelings of not being good enough, chronic self-doubt, fear of judgment, people-pleasing, or playing small, this conversation reveals the nervous system roots of your inner critic.
Jeffrey explains why your inner critic isn't designed to help you improve—it's a trauma response and safety mechanism rooted in shame and dysregulation. Learn the crucial difference between helpful problem-solving (curious, energized) versus the inner critic (collapsed, discouraged, small), why trauma and adverse childhood experiences amplify shame, and the difference between guilt (about actions) and shame (being fundamentally wrong).
This isn't about positive thinking or affirmations. It's about understanding nervous system regulation, somatic healing, trauma recovery, building self-compassion, overcoming perfectionism, healing shame, developing self-trust, and learning how your body's safety signals drive that relentless internal criticism. When you understand the inner critic as a nervous system function rather than the truth about who you are, you can begin reclaiming your autonomy and stop letting fear of judgment control your life.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo or email hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

The Nervous System That Won’t Let Us Rest

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a deeply common but rarely named struggle: Why do so many of us feel unsafe slowing down, resting, or easing up—even when we know we’re exhausted?
Through a listener question from a woman who feels driven to overwork, over-check, and over-effort despite financial stability and professional success, Jeffrey unpacks how the nervous system can become locked into patterns of anxiety, not-enoughness, and shame. Together, they explore why rest can feel threatening, why self-trust erodes under chronic activation, and how cultural messages about productivity reinforce these patterns.
This conversation goes beneath habits and mindset to reveal how nervous system states drive our beliefs about worth, safety, and enoughness—and why lasting change requires working with the body, not against it.
You’ll learn:        •        Why your nervous system may not feel safe enough to rest or slow down        •        How anxiety and rumination keep overworking and over-checking in place        •        The hidden role of shame in perfectionism and not-enoughness        •        How somatic, bottom-up practices restore regulation and self-trust
As Jeffrey explains, many of us aren’t choosing to push ourselves so hard—our nervous systems are doing it for us. When we learn to recognize these patterns and gently bring more regulation and compassion online, new options open up: rest without fear, effort without collapse, and a deeper sense of safety in our own bodies.
Have a question for Jeffrey?Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo or email hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program:drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

The Fear that Keeps us from Claiming Our Voice

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a struggle many people face at pivotal moments of growth: What happens inside us when we’re called to step forward—and shame tells us to stay small?
Breaking from the show’s usual format, Steve brings his own lived experience into the conversation, sharing the fear, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome that arise as he feels called to create and offer something new in the world. Jeffrey unpacks how shame operates not just as a thought pattern, but as a nervous system response designed to limit risk, visibility, and vulnerability.
Together, they explore why insight and motivation alone often aren’t enough to move through self-doubt—and how learning to work with the body and nervous system can restore trust, clarity, and a felt sense of self-worth.
You’ll learn:
Why shame often intensifies when we’re about to grow, expand, or be seen
How imposter syndrome is rooted in nervous system safety, not lack of ability
How the body signals yes, no, and alignment before the mind catches up
As Jeffrey reminds us, moments of doubt aren’t proof of inadequacy—they’re moments of pain shaped by past experience. When we learn to meet those moments through the body rather than the intellect alone, a different voice can emerge—one grounded in steadiness, permission, and self-trust.
Have a question for Jeffrey?Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo or send an email to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program:drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

Shame and the Pull Away from Intimacy

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a painful and deeply familiar pattern for many trauma survivors: Why does intimacy begin to feel threatening just when connection should deepen?
Through a listener question from a man with a history of childhood neglect and abuse, Jeffrey unpacks why insight and years of therapy may still leave us feeling powerless to change entrenched relationship patterns. Together, they examine how the nervous system—not conscious intention—often drives avoidance, withdrawal, and emotional shutdown in intimate relationships, especially when shame and early attachment wounds are involved.
This episode looks beneath the story we tell ourselves and into the body-based survival strategies that quietly shape our lives, revealing why understanding alone isn’t enough—and what actually opens the door to change.
You’ll learn:
Why psychological insight doesn’t automatically translate into nervous system change
How early experiences of neglect and intrusion shape adult intimacy and avoidance
How shame operates quietly beneath intimacy struggles and relationship withdrawalWhy the body—not the intellect—must lead the healing process
As Jeffrey explains, when intimacy begins to feel unsafe, avoidance isn’t a failure—it’s the nervous system doing its best to protect us. But with awareness, regulation, and support, we can learn to work with our nervous system instead of being driven by it.
Have a question for Jeffrey?Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program:drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for medical or mental health concerns.

The Healing Power of Being Heard

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a question that lives at the heart of trauma recovery: Can I heal this alone, or do I need to tell someone?
Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman uncovering traumatic memories from early childhood, Jeffrey reveals why somatic work and self-compassion, while essential, may not be enough for deep trauma healing. Together, they explore the crucial role of witnessing in trauma recovery, and why the hesitancy to share is itself part of what blocks forward movement.
You'll learn:
Why dissociated memories from early childhood require different healing support than later trauma.
How shame keeps us from sharing our deepest pain—and why that silence can prevent healing.
The difference between "keeping yourself safe" and "keeping trauma secret"—and how to tell which you're doing.
Why it takes two people to tell the truth: one to speak and one to listen.
How to find a safe, trustworthy person who can witness your healing without judgment.
Signs that somatic processing alone may not be enough—and when to seek support.
Why sharing trauma with the right person aids healing rather than re-traumatizing.
As Jeffrey reminds us, "It takes two people to tell the truth—one to speak and one to listen. Your truth needs to be heard in the living presence of another being."
When we learn to share our deepest pain with someone who can truly listen, we discover that healing happens in relationship, not isolation.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

The Anger at Family That Keeps You Stuck

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard tackle one of the deepest struggles in trauma recovery—what to do with the anger that burns when the people who hurt you refuse to see the damage they caused.
Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman healing from childhood emotional abuse, Jeffrey reveals why staying stuck in rage at family members who won't acknowledge the harm can actually block the very healing we deserve. Together, they explore the difference between anger as information and anger as a trap—and how to honor your pain without letting it consume your life.
You'll learn:
Why your anger at family injustice is completely valid—and how it can paradoxically keep you stuck in the trauma loop.The difference between healthy protective anger and the anger that becomes a diversion from your own healing.
How to use your nervous system (not your mind) to make decisions about family gatherings and contact.
Why self-compassion is the starting point—not forgiveness of those who harmed you.
A simple body-based practice to move through anger sensations without getting lost in the story.
How to tell when "staying angry" is actually your nervous system trying to stay safe—and what to do instead.
As Jeffrey reminds us, "Don't let them stop you from healing. Even if you get beyond the anger, they still did what they did—but the anger doesn't have to keep you trapped."
When we learn to unhook from the need for family members to acknowledge our pain, we reclaim the power to heal on our own terms.Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: www.drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

How to Stay Grounded when Someone Else is Suffering

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore one of love’s hardest tests—how to stay open-hearted when someone you care about is in deep pain.Through a vulnerable listener question from Christine, a mother navigating her son’s long struggle with addiction, Jeffrey unpacks the hidden nervous-system dynamics that keep loved ones caught between compassion, guilt, and helplessness. Together, they explore how to transform heartbreak into grounded strength, and why true care begins with regulation and self-compassion.
You’ll learn:• Why our nervous system mirrors the pain of those we love—and how to notice when we’ve merged with their distress.• How guilt and shame can block our natural anger, leaving us powerless instead of clear and strong.• Why “fight” energy isn’t wrong—it’s vital information that can help restore boundaries and choice.• Simple practices to return to regulation in hard moments, including the hand-to-heart exercise and long-exhale breathing.• How self-compassion helps dissolve shame and sustain love without collapse.
As Jeffrey reminds us, “Our suffering doesn’t heal someone else’s suffering—but our regulation can.”When we learn to care without carrying the full weight of another’s pain, we reclaim the steadiness that makes real love possible.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.