The Wired for Well-Being Podcast

The Healing Power of Being Heard

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore a question that lives at the heart of trauma recovery: Can I heal this alone, or do I need to tell someone?
Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman uncovering traumatic memories from early childhood, Jeffrey reveals why somatic work and self-compassion, while essential, may not be enough for deep trauma healing. Together, they explore the crucial role of witnessing in trauma recovery, and why the hesitancy to share is itself part of what blocks forward movement.
You'll learn:
Why dissociated memories from early childhood require different healing support than later trauma.
How shame keeps us from sharing our deepest pain—and why that silence can prevent healing.
The difference between "keeping yourself safe" and "keeping trauma secret"—and how to tell which you're doing.
Why it takes two people to tell the truth: one to speak and one to listen.
How to find a safe, trustworthy person who can witness your healing without judgment.
Signs that somatic processing alone may not be enough—and when to seek support.
Why sharing trauma with the right person aids healing rather than re-traumatizing.
As Jeffrey reminds us, "It takes two people to tell the truth—one to speak and one to listen. Your truth needs to be heard in the living presence of another being."
When we learn to share our deepest pain with someone who can truly listen, we discover that healing happens in relationship, not isolation.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

The Anger at Family That Keeps You Stuck

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard tackle one of the deepest struggles in trauma recovery—what to do with the anger that burns when the people who hurt you refuse to see the damage they caused.
Through a vulnerable listener question from a woman healing from childhood emotional abuse, Jeffrey reveals why staying stuck in rage at family members who won't acknowledge the harm can actually block the very healing we deserve. Together, they explore the difference between anger as information and anger as a trap—and how to honor your pain without letting it consume your life.
You'll learn:
Why your anger at family injustice is completely valid—and how it can paradoxically keep you stuck in the trauma loop.The difference between healthy protective anger and the anger that becomes a diversion from your own healing.
How to use your nervous system (not your mind) to make decisions about family gatherings and contact.
Why self-compassion is the starting point—not forgiveness of those who harmed you.
A simple body-based practice to move through anger sensations without getting lost in the story.
How to tell when "staying angry" is actually your nervous system trying to stay safe—and what to do instead.
As Jeffrey reminds us, "Don't let them stop you from healing. Even if you get beyond the anger, they still did what they did—but the anger doesn't have to keep you trapped."
When we learn to unhook from the need for family members to acknowledge our pain, we reclaim the power to heal on our own terms.Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can't reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: www.drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

How to Stay Grounded when Someone Else is Suffering

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein and producer Steve Lessard explore one of love’s hardest tests—how to stay open-hearted when someone you care about is in deep pain.Through a vulnerable listener question from Christine, a mother navigating her son’s long struggle with addiction, Jeffrey unpacks the hidden nervous-system dynamics that keep loved ones caught between compassion, guilt, and helplessness. Together, they explore how to transform heartbreak into grounded strength, and why true care begins with regulation and self-compassion.
You’ll learn:• Why our nervous system mirrors the pain of those we love—and how to notice when we’ve merged with their distress.• How guilt and shame can block our natural anger, leaving us powerless instead of clear and strong.• Why “fight” energy isn’t wrong—it’s vital information that can help restore boundaries and choice.• Simple practices to return to regulation in hard moments, including the hand-to-heart exercise and long-exhale breathing.• How self-compassion helps dissolve shame and sustain love without collapse.
As Jeffrey reminds us, “Our suffering doesn’t heal someone else’s suffering—but our regulation can.”When we learn to care without carrying the full weight of another’s pain, we reclaim the steadiness that makes real love possible.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

Finding Calm in a Fast-Moving World

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores one of the most common struggles of modern life—how to live with purpose and connection without feeling overwhelmed.
Through a heartfelt listener question and a reflective conversation with producer Steve Lessard, Jeffrey examines what happens when our desire to move gently through life collides with a world that feels fast, anxious, and demanding. Together they unpack the deeper nervous-system dynamics behind this tension—especially for those who live with complex PTSD or chronic dysregulation—and reveal how slowing down isn’t weakness but wisdom.
You’ll learn:• Why people with complex PTSD often swing between high activation and total shutdown—and how to gently find stability between the two.• How early relational trauma trains the nervous system to match others’ needs and rhythms instead of our own.• The difference between matched and mismatched neuroception—and how it shapes the way we read safety or danger in everyday interactions.• How anger, when reclaimed, can become a constructive source of motivation and perseverance rather than collapse or self-blame.• Simple ways to regulate in real time, including hand-to-heart grounding and lengthening the exhale to double the inhale.• How self-compassion rewires shame at the nervous-system level and becomes the bridge between protection and participation.
As Jeffrey reminds us, “You don’t have to join the world’s frenzy to belong to it.” By honoring our natural rhythm, learning to listen to our body’s cues, and responding with kindness instead of pressure, we can stay engaged with life without losing our peace.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

What’s Controlling You (Without You Knowing It)

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein unpacks what your nervous system actually is—and why understanding it can change everything.
Through a lively back-and-forth with producer Steve Lessard, Jeffrey explains how the nervous system acts as your body’s “command center,” running automatic survival programs that once kept us safe from saber-toothed tigers—but now often hijack our peace when we’re simply stuck in traffic or waiting on a text.
You’ll learn:• The four main nervous-system states—fight, flight, freeze, and shutdown—and how each shows up in the body and mind.• Why your state drives your story, and how shifting state first can quiet loops of anger, fear, or collapse.• How trauma, genetics, and early experience shape your “set point” for safety and reactivity.• What Polyvagal Theory reveals about our built-in capacity for regulation, connection, and compassion.• Simple body-based ways to begin collaborating with your nervous system instead of fighting it.
As Jeffrey shares, “There are no bad states—only information.” When we learn to listen to the messages of our body with kindness, we stop blaming ourselves for being reactive and start discovering how to return to safety, presence, and choice.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

When Self-Awareness Turns Into Self-Blame

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores what’s really behind the question so many of us ask: “What’s wrong with me?”
Through two powerful listener questions, Jeffrey and producer Steve Lessard reveal how our nervous system—not our character—drives much of what we feel, believe, and do in relationships and in healing. You’ll discover how protective patterns like over-giving, shame, and self-blame arise from old nervous-system habits, and how shifting to curiosity and compassion can transform them.
You’ll learn:• What neuroception is—and how our body’s unconscious “danger detector” can misread safety and threat.• How relational habits like over-extending, people-pleasing, and caretaking often reflect survival programs, not personality flaws.• Why feedback that feels shaming often reveals the other person’s dysregulation more than your own.• How to tell when intrusive trauma memories mean something still needs gentle attention—not that you’re doing healing “wrong.”• The liberating shift from self-judgment to seeing every state—anger, fear, collapse—as information, not confirmation of your worth.
As Jeffrey shares, “Our state drives our story.” By learning to recognize when we’re viewing life through a defensive state—and how to come back into regulation—we begin to see ourselves and others more clearly, with compassion, freedom, and ease.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

The Hidden Patterns That Block Real Connection

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores why connection can still feel hard—even after years of inner work. He traces how protective nervous-system patterns (especially shame) can keep us small in relationships, and how learning to feel safe in our bodies lets us move from surviving to belonging. Jeffrey also shares why some friendships feel “easy,” how trust builds through repeated safety, and what to do when old roles (like over-caretaking) limit mutuality. Through one powerful listener question, Jeffrey unpacks the subtle habits that block closeness—deflecting compliments, asking instead of self-revealing, letting ourselves be chosen rather than choosing—and offers practical steps to retrain the system toward ease and reciprocity. You’ll learn:• How shame fuels “I’m not enough” loops that short-circuit connection—and simple ways to interrupt them. • Body-based cues of safety (ease, softening, breath) and how repeated safe moments become trust over time. • Signs you’re stuck in an old role (e.g., echoist patterns around narcissistic dynamics) and how to practice taking up space. • Conversation micro-skills for mutuality—receiving praise, sharing a little more than feels “safe,” and noticing when you’re abandoning yourself to fit in. • Why working with your state first (friendly touch, lengthening the out-breath, orienting) makes contemplative practice and real-world relating easier. By learning to spot these patterns and befriend your nervous system, you can risk a bit more authenticity, deepen trust, and experience relationships that feel nourishing, mutual, and real. Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.Learn more about the Healing Trauma Program: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

Why Your Nervous System Holds On to Old Patterns

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores the theme of patterns—how nervous-system loops like OCD rumination and compulsive behaviors can take over when we’re dysregulated, and how “memory” (both explicit and implicit) keeps the past alive in our bodies. Jeffrey shares how to recognize when your system is in flight energy, why resisting vs. surrendering to compulsions matters, and what it really takes to “update” the nervous system so you can return to center.
Through two powerful listener questions, Jeffrey unpacks the rise of OCD during stress and the science (and limits) of memory reconsolidation—offering practical, compassionate ways to relate to your system in real time. You’ll learn:• How OCD-style looping often signals a flight-state nervous system—and what actually lowers arousal.• Simple regulation practices (e.g., friendly touch like hand-on-heart, lengthening the out-breath, and naming what’s happening) that reduce compulsive pull.• The difference between explicit and implicit memories—and why “body memories” can drive behavior without a story.• A grounded view of memory reconsolidation in trauma work—and why day-to-day state regulation often helps more than chasing specific memories.
By learning to spot these patterns and befriend your nervous system, you can loosen the grip of compulsions, relate differently to old memories, and spend more of your life regulated, present, and connected.
Have a question for Jeffrey? Leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156. If you can’t reach that number, record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com.
Free gift: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

From Confusion to Clarity: The Role of Discernment

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores the theme of discernment: knowing when to share family stories of trauma, and how to recognize whether the signals from your nervous system are pointing to the past or the present moment. Relationships, healing, and even daily responsibilities can feel confusing when old wounds echo in our bodies, but discernment helps us find clarity and a path forward.
Through two powerful listener questions, Jeffrey unpacks the impact of intergenerational trauma and the subtle cues of dread or responsibility that can shape our daily lives. You’ll learn:
How to discern whether it’s the right time—and the right motivation—to share difficult family history.
Why intergenerational trauma impacts nervous systems across generations, and how awareness can be liberating.
How to recognize the difference between everyday stress and deeper, inherited patterns of dread.
Practical ways to stay curious and compassionate toward your own nervous system signals.
By learning to listen closely and discern wisely, you can begin to break cycles of suffering, honor your own healing, and create safer, more connected relationships.
Do you have a question you'd like to ask? If so, leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156.  If you're unable to reach that number, you can record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com. 
To learn more and receive a free gift, visit: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.

Acceptance and Change: From Criticism to Compassion

In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores how to hold both acceptance and change when living with chronic illness or the aftermath of trauma. So often, we feel caught between two extremes—resisting what is or pushing ourselves to change too quickly. But what if there’s a third way: partnering with your nervous system in compassion and curiosity?
Through listener questions, Jeffrey addresses two powerful themes. The first caller shares the struggle of accepting the limitations of chronic illness without giving up on growth. Jeffrey reframes acceptance not as resignation, but as a way to release self-judgment and create the conditions for meaningful, sustainable change.
The second caller asks about the role of anger in healing. Instead of treating anger as something to burn through or suppress, Jeffrey shows how it can be understood as a message from the nervous system—one that points to deeper hurts, disappointments, or experiences of unfairness. When approached with compassion, anger can soften and become a doorway to regulation, connection, and healthier relationships.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to accept what is without giving up on growth and change.
Why self-judgment and shame can deepen suffering—and how to shift toward compassion.
Practical ways to listen to your nervous system and work with its signals.
How to navigate anger as information and transform it into a tool for connection.
Why real healing often requires befriending your nervous system instead of battling it.
This episode is an invitation to stop fighting yourself and discover how acceptance, compassion, and curiosity can unlock new pathways to healing.
Do you have a question you'd like to ask? If so, leave a voicemail at 866-357-5156.  If you're unable to reach that number, you can record a voice memo and email it to hello@drjeffreyrutstein.com. 
To learn more and receive a free gift, visit: drjeffreyrutstein.com/links
The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and not intended as professional mental health advice. Always consult qualified healthcare providers for medical concerns.